"I don’t buy gifts for a lot of people," Maron explained. "I buy gifts for one person, my girlfriend, because that’s the way you gotta do it."
"I don’t know if you are in a new relationship. My relationship is pretty new. If you have a person you are with and it is your first Christmas together, buy them many presents. Because if you buy one, there’s always the possibility that they won’t like it. And then they’ll pretend like that they like it, and then you’ll know that they’re pretending that they like it, and then you hate them for that. And then what happens is you are like, ‘I thought that this was the perfect gift for her, yet she doesn’t like it, so she’s not who I thought she was, and she’s never going to be, ever.’
And then what happens is that she doesn’t think that you got her the right gift and so you don’t understand her and she doesn’t know if you ever will, so that little misfire, that one gift thing, can be the cancer that erodes your entire relationship.
So what I’m saying is, ‘is you are not going to buy more than one present on Christmas morning, just break up with her’. Just say ‘Merry Christmas, it’s over’."
There you have it guys. No pressure. If you still need gift ideas, we’ve got some here.