Most people remember 80’s icon Mr. T. either for pitying fools, or lovin’ his mama. Some might have even remembered his time as one of the first memes back in the internet dark ages. What you may not have known is that he released a deeply religious, for-children rap album.
Rap here is an extremely generous word, even if he’s in KZSC’s rap section. He more talks over a beat. Incredibly, a young Ice-T is credited with “rap direction,” so lord knows what Mr. T. was doing before his rapping was directed to its present state on the record. As long as we’re talking about the record, the word “album” is generous as well. This is technically a 12″ EP, pressed on a full-size record so that you can clearly see the pictures on the back.
There aren’t any hidden gems here. This is basically just a slow-beat, slow-rapped album with Reaganesque anti-drug messages, tracks about not trusting strangers, and threats to make you obey the bible (The Bible makes it Clear/ If you break the rules god help you fool you got Mr T to fear). The album is so hamfisted that it’s probably not kosher, and lacks any sense self-awareness or down-to-earth realism. It ruins albums like this and separates them from being more akin to, say, William Shatner’s albums?